i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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