I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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