I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
