yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
