____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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