a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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