My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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