dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
