You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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