You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
