he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
