Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
