I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
