Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
