Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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