it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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