I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize