Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
