College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
