I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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