i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
