If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
