So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
