dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
