Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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