apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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