what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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