Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
