she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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