my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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