i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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