shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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