Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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