From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
