Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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