Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am one with the molecules
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
