My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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