New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
