totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
