Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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