is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
