Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
