tequila makes me forget i have legs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
