I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
