there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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