My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
