You're completely useless in the revolution.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A bitchslap is in order.
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