I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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