it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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