i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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