I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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