He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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