Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
