I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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