i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
