So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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