3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize