I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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