i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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