he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
