do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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