Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize