we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
