Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
