When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
