I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
