you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize