Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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