Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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