respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
